Often we associate physical attraction with love. My question is… if that is love then what about a couple in their 70s… they (under normal obvious circumstances) can’t have any intimate or physical relationship, can they? So does that mean they stop loving the other? They still love each other (in most cases more than the time they got married) but their love is to take care of each other with the other is ill, make sure the other is eating properly, taking their medicine on time. The other day I saw an elderly couple, they didn’t look really well off, so they order one mix chaat and start sharing, now both of them wanted the other to eat more so they both kept telling the other they don’t feel like eating… That was an adorable display of love.
Physical relation is something even animals have but that doesn’t mean they're in love... love is for human beings and its for caring, being concerned, animals don’t care if the other one is alright or not, they just want to achieve their level of satisfaction and move on, but human beings when in an intimate contact with the one they love, make sure the other is not in pain or anything... so when people say love for wife is different than love for mom... I disagree... love is love... you love someone you care for, you get protective for, you want to give them everything you can & so on... these things remain the same for any relation you love.
Basically there's just one type of love... there aren’t different types of love because physical attraction is not love so when you say you first fall in love then physical attraction comes in... I would not agree to that because the thing, first you get to know someone, then something attracts you and then you fall in love with that person.
So basically what I’m saying is, it can’t be called love marriage... because you can’t love someone in a day
Okay lets put it this way... There are 3 couples
1. A & B
2. X & Y
3. M & N
Now A & B get attracted to each other on anything... lets say physical beauty your typical “Love at first sight” & they decided to marry... after marriage A realizes B is not the wife he was looking for or vice versa, because the other is only good looking but rude, selfish & what not... can A fall in love with B then? Or vice versa
On the other hand, X & Y are friends; first X is not attracted to Y but later when their friendship grows strong X finds out that Y is an amazing person... she's concerned about everyone, she's caring & bla bla bla... Now X wants to care for Y, he wants Y to be happy for she's always wishing good for everyone... That is when X begins to love Y because he knows he can take care of Y like no one else can and that’s a love marriage.
The reason I'm against arranged marriages is because when two people... M & N are introduced by their families k lo beta milo & see if you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, both M & N will present their best selves (may be fake) because they both know if the other approves me, we'll be together forever & then the other one will find out my real self but it'll be too late… ha ha ha (evil laugh)
Now lets see what love is; love is when you want to care for someone, when you get depressed if the other is depressed, you fight with other knowing it’ll all be well by the end of the day since you both don’t have any other choice but to make up and so on.
How do families operate in our society? Siblings fight but do they break all ties & decide they’re better off without each other so they don’t talk at all? No, if one member of family is ill the whole family is concerned & worried and doing anything they can to make the ill one comfortable, if I go to market to buy my favourite donut knowing that it is my sister’s favourite donut too so plan to buy 2, and if I find out there’s only one left at the shop, I’ll bring that home for my sister and if my sisters finds out I couldn’t get one as it was only one there, she’ll decide to share it with me. That is sacrifice for someone you love. Most of times, we have the same feeling for our close friends as well. All the same feelings are there for wife too. Then there’s an added physical attraction / intimate relation which is not love, that’s a different thing.
So I conclude this with following definition:-
“A feeling in which you think about someone else before you, you care for someone else more than you care for yourself without getting physically attracted to them is love”
Puri Sahib the Philosopher
1 comment:
well, for the most part I agree with you. I think you're describing the difference between love and lust. I still believe that the love of a man and a woman is different then that of the love of a child or parent.
when I see the man I love or think about him, the feeling inside me changes. Not something I can explain and not a sexual thing either. definately a different feeling then i have for my children.
When we are older as husband and wife and I hope I am going longer then 70 pfffftttttttt. I do agree the love changes. Its grown deeper past the sexual part but I still think its different then that of a family member.
Keeping in mind how often you will hear about elderly couples who have been married forever and one dies. Usually the other dies quite soon after. not always because of age. Was their love so strong that they died of a broken heart or lonliness?
As for what happens in society with families, do they break up? Yes they do. I grew up in such a family where most of us dont speak. So it does happen.
so in closing, I do somewhat agree there is a definate difference between love and lust. I do belive that lust can be confused with love and will quickly die out. however, I do feel this is different between a man and woman and a family member
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